You never said I'm leaving
You never said goodbye
You were gone before I knew it,
And only God knew why
A million times I needed you,
A million times I cried
If love alone could have saved you,
You never would have died
In life I loved you dearly
In death I love you still
In my heart you hold a place,
That noone could ever fill
It broke my heart to lose you,
But you didn't go alone
For part of me went with you,
The day God took you home
...Author Unknown...
My Dad was an awesome man. Those of you who really knew him already knew this, you may have also thought he was a grumpy old man, serious, no patience....the real guy was full of heart, very loving and very caring and funny. We found out quite early his bark was worse than his bite. He was the type of man you don't see to often anymore. He took his responsibilities seriously. If he worked for you, he did the very best job he could. In our home life, us kids, Dave, Dick, Bill and myself, we couldn't have asked for a better father, I can't remember ever doing without. For as long as I can remember growing up, my father worked two jobs. If he could have found more hours, I have no doubt he would have worked 3. I can remember him coming home after being on his feet for 8 hours at Xtek, a factory, to eat, sit down a few minutes and then cleaning up and leaving again to go either do security work or bartend. Dad was old fashioned, he didn't want Mom working, he felt it was his job to provide for all of us and that he did so with no complaints. Dads word was law around our house. There was the ever present Air Force Belt. I don't ever remember him using it, it was just the mere threat of it. I remember once seeing an ad on tv for hair dye to cover the grey for men, they were giving away free samples. So I ordered some for Dad, not being mean, just figuring he would like it. I came home from school on the day it arrived and was told to get to my room. I was petrified! I had no idea what was going on. He walked in with that air force belt and I was sure I was going to get it, as he started cracking up laughing and pulling out the hair dye....I then breathed a sigh of relief. But that's the way Dad was, he raised us strict, but with humor. As we grew up and had our own kids, it seemed that Dad tried to do all he could for them also, if one of them needed help, he was there, if they needed a place to stay, he was opening his door for them. He just gave and gave, taking nothing but our love in return. Dad was very proud, if he needed something, he found his own way to get it, heaven forbid should he ask any of us for help. If you offered help, forget it. His lack of patience became the brunt of a lot of jokes in the family. Such as driving down the road, slapping the steering wheel and while cussing telling people to get outta the way, or the way he would get after Mom, once even telling her the house was a deplorable mess, we had a lot of fun with that one. Dad would laugh right along with us.
Dad was in the Navy when he and Mom met and married and after serving his time there, joined the Air National Guard. He retired from there after reaching the rank of Senior Master Sargeant. It just seems that all Dad did, he worked hard at it and did well, never satisfied until he achieved the best he could. Dad was also an Amateur Radio operator, N8LVD for years. This was something he was very proud of and enjoyed. Along with this hobby was golfing. Golfing was reserved for mornings and warmer weather, Amateur Radio was nights and winter. He approached both hobbies with the same vigor and eagerness to win them over as he did life. In his radio hobby, he won many awards from the Amateur Radio Relay League such as Worked all States, Worked all Continents. He did this using the most difficult form, Morse Code. When the rest of Amateur Radio was giving up on it, Dad was still in there pecking away on his key. When I got my Amateur License, he was so happy and so proud of me. It was something we could share together. Golfing, I think was an addiction to Dad. If he could get to this course, it didn't matter if it were cold out, raining, hot, he was out there on the course. He even worked here so he could be here more often. I used to tease him a lot about this, calling it his second home. In the past couple of years, he had gotten Bill's sons, Chad & Brent interested in golfing and he was so proud of that. I would talk to him on the phone and hear all about how him and Chad or Brent had gone golfing together. Those times meant so much to him.
After Mom died, I remember looking at Dad and thinking, how growing up he was gone a lot working and we hadn't had the chance to become really close. So I spent a lot more time with Dad and can honestly say we were as close as a Dad and daughter could get. We talked daily, went out to eat together a lot, we went a lot of places together. Dad soon became one of my very best friends along with being my Dad. We told each other our problems, and God Forbid, if anyone should screw me over, you would have thought they did the same to him. He would get just as mad. If I wasn't talking to someone, he wasn't either. He soon started telling people there were two perfect people in the world, him and me, much to t he dismay of my brothers.. He just was so loyal to me. The same with Bill.....he worried constantly about Billy. I don't think he ever realized Billy had grown up. When he learned he was seriously sick, he asked me who was going to help Bill when he was gone? This was just the way he was, here he was, seriously ill and worrying about us.
I truly believe he was just so tired of being lonely that when he learned he had cancer, he just gave up and was ready to go home to Mom. He didn't want to fight it. one day at the nursing home when he was still capable of speaking he attempted to get up, when I told him he couldn't, he told me "That's Bullshit". Those were the last words I heard my father speak. To others this may sound strange, but those words are comforting to me, because that's my Dad....that's his way and his manner of speaking. Always being the strong guy.
About 3 weeks before Dad left us, Dad told me me was tired. He was tired of working, tired of being lonely. So Daddy if you're listening, rest now. Be with Mom, and don't worry about us, although we will miss you with all our being, we know you're where you really want to be. We love you and we will be ok.