I still wasn't happy. I was living the life I thought I wanted, and
was miserable. After about one year, I decided to go back to the states.
I missed my children, who were still with my husband, and my family. So
back I went to Ohio, where I had grown up. Moved in with my parents,
who actually co-signed on a car for me. I didn't find out til later that
they did that to keep me there! They were afraid I would go back overseas,
and knew that I was too responsible to do that and leave them with the
car payments.
I had brought back some money, but couldn't find a job doing what I wanted,
which was office work. My credentials couldn't be checked easily since
I had worked overseas.
I finally decided to go back to waitressing, got a job at a local restaurant
working night shift. Since I was new, I got the "group" that
came in all the time that drank coffee, ate sweets, stayed a long time,
made a mess, and didn't tip well. You guessed it, the local AA group that
had their "after meetings" there.
At that time my dad was sober through AA, and I felt nothing but gratitude
for them. I was glad to serve them. I didn't really know what AA
was, but knew my dad was a different person, and that was good enough for
me.
Before long, I began dating a member of the group. He felt I needed to
be educated. Off we went to meetings together (open) and he introduced
me to Al-Anon almost 13 years ago. I didn't much like it, just a bunch
of women sitting around complaining about their husbands and boyfriends.
It was a sick meeting, but I didn't know that. I continued to go to please
my boyfriend. He said that recovery was important, and that I needed it,
too. He said that a recovery family was a happy family. I was still into
being whatever he wanted me to be, so I went.
I also changed jobs, and became a salesperson, selling to the military, for a local distributing company. The job payed well, and the benefits were great. My Higher Power knew that both the money and the benefits would be needed, but I didn't know that.
My boyfriend and I lived together for two years. During this time I went to meetings, got the ODAT book, and looked like I was a good Al-Anon. Appearances can be deceiving.
His children lived with their mom,close by,and mine lived with their dad, in California. We saw his often, and talked to mine on the phone and sent letters, but didn't have the opportunity to see them.
We got married, and within 8 months ended up with 5 children, his three
and my two. I became too busy for Al-Anon.
The spiral continued. I was not the same person from one day to the next.
One day the kids would ask to do something, and it was ok, the next, it
was not. I didn't want to be a mother to 5 girls, all close to the same
age, all with problems of their own.
The catalyst started when my oldest daughter became out of control. She
wanted to go live with her dad, and nothing would stop her. It was a real
roller coaster of a ride, climaxing when she attempted suicide.
Here I was, no active alcoholism in my life, and my life was out of control!
I knew enough about the Al-Anon program to know I needed help, badly. I
was depressed, sick all the time, and suicide was looking like a viable
option. Nothing I could do on my own helped. My boss had forced me to go
get help through our EAP, or get fired. I opened up a bit to the
psycologist, but when he said it looked like I needed long term help, I
suddenly got better! Lied my way through therapy, because it was important
to me to look good.
At the same time, my best friend at work was killed in an auto accident, and my favorite aunt died. My world was crashing around me.
My husband told me about a new group that was getting started, an AL-Anon group, at a local clubhouse. He had helped to start the clubhouse, and was one of the trustees. Al-Anon needed members there . I needed to go where I felt I wouldn't be recognized. I didn't want to let any one know that I had flunked Al-Anon before!
I went, 6 yrs ago May 29th.
What it is like today