The sordid lives of the DB characters.
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BIOS!!!!1

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 Character Bios!!!1

Goku
goku si the hero of DBZ!!!!1 HE was sent to Earht to killl Piccilo, but he accidentally killed hi s grandpa gohan (not teh OTHEr gohan sillly!!!1), but I tink piccilo was eaten by yajirobe or something so it didnt matters much. anyways,, goku lived peecefully wit h his wife chichi and his son gohan until his brothert raddits came to earth to get gokuu so he could bee a saiyan. goku says "NO!!!!1" cuz he hugs ttrees and dosnt want to be a killer like a saiyaan. so goku and picccilo (WFT!?!?!?!!?!?) team up and picclo uses his special beam cannon fire atttack and kills goku who sacrafised himselves to save teh earth and kills his brther. gooku goes to king kais and trains wit bubbles and learns kaiioken, spirit bobm and kaiioken x2. Hee is wished back to life and beats napa and veget (NO NOT MY VEGETA!!!!!!!1 :(:(:(:(:() wit hthe spirit bomb and kaioken!!!1 eventually he goes to namek and cuz he train in 10000x gravity he is a semi-sssj1 so he beats ginyoo and jais and burter adn he becoms ssj1 when freezer blows u pkrillin (heh, he has no nose!!!!!!!!!!!1 <>_<>). i don't know what happans after this, I thinks he fights garlic jr. or turles or somethin. OH well thatts all.

Gohan
goh an is gokus only son and chichis only son. he si a powerful kid and has a pwerlevel of 1142 and he cans hurts his uncle raddist. after his daad dies he cries and piccilo getspissed off and decidess to train gohan by hitting him in teh face and chasing him with dinosaurs and stuff. Gohan soon gets a big powerlvl consdiering he si a kid.. Soon teh saiyanas come to earth and blow up cities (the peopel escaped though!!!!!!!1 Whew). Napa and veget (YEAH VEGET!!!!!!!!!!!1) go to fights the earths special forces. GOhan just kindof standsa ther while Tien, Chautzu,, Yamch, and Tien are killed. gohan is a bastard cuz he doenst halp picccilo and krillin in ther attack on napa (hes bald, heheh, lol, roflmao!!!1)!!!!1 WHEn he finalllly does attack he gets his asss beats byu vegeta (KCICK HIS ASS VEGETEAA!!!!!!!!!!111 []_[]). hee sucks when he fights teh ginyoo force and he sucks when he fights freeeza until he does his masenko attack then he beated freeza , then he get beated BYY freeeza. I think he beats garlicv jr. though.

Piccilo
at firsts piccilo si a bad guy who wants to beat goku, but then he bcomes good when teh saiyans show up. he si a good fighter and has attakcs like teh special beam cannon fire and he can shoot lasers out of his eyes and he can punch people real hard!!!!1 he is teh one who beat raddits, but cannnot beat napa. he trains gohann to do masenko and fly and other stuff. he looks liek kami for some reason (brothers or soemthign?! WHO KNOWS?!?!?!1 0_0). he si an alien becuz he is green and has antennas which help him do his special beam cannon fiere. he trains wiht heavy clothes liek goku does becuz it gives hims a higher power levels. he is killled by napa when he protects gohan cuz he loves him or somethin, anyways he goes t king kais, but does not like it cuz king kia is not serious and bubles bugs him I gueess. he trains a bitt and even fights with yamcha, tien, and chatzo. he si wished back and fuses wit nail and becomes a SUPER NAMEK 1 !!!!!!!1 SInce hs is sn1 he can beats from 2 freezer but from 4 freezer blasts him with a laser blaster and killls him bnut not really.

VEGETA
YES VEGET!!!!!1 He si teh saiyain prince cuz his dad si teh king. he team sup wiht napa to conquer planets cuz he si a saiain and they do stuff like that to make money and buy food and playstation 2s and stuff. he si teh most powerful saiayain warrior and he si strong too. he goes to earth to wish to bcome immortal and live forever,, but NOT wish raddits back to life cuz raddits sucks cuz gohan beat him. anyways, he lets nappa figth until nappa gets tired and then he fightss wiht gokeu WHO GETS LUCKY AND BEATS HIM!!!!!1 Not even gallic gun fire can beat KAKKKAROT (that si gokus saiyaian name, you heard it here first!!!!1 take that planetnamek!!!!1 :P). HE turns into an ape by creating a new moon but gets his tale cut ffo bny yagirobe who uses a sword!!!!!1 he thens beats up gohan and krillian and yagirboe but is beaten by teh spirit bomb (NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!) and leaves ot go to namekk. he beat teh whole ginyoo force then does OK vs. freezer but freezer turnsin to form 4 freeza and kills him with a blast.. He atcually dies this time cuz goku just stands there liek a morno while freeza kills him (dumb KAKKAROT!!!!1 you heard it hear first). he si wished back and goes back to earth to fight kami and garlic jr and become ssj1 of course!!!!1.

Freezer
Freezer is a homosexual purple and white alien who likes balls and hates bad haircuts. When he isn't stroking balls or hitting on Goku and Nail he is bitching to Zarbon (I'm sorry, Zaabon to the subbies who would probably rip my genitals off for having offended them by using the dub name) about Vegeta. Yes, this albino freak certainly has an intersting history. Born the second son of King Cold he went on to control most of the galaxy. This is easy for him, since he is the "most powerful" being at the time, well except for Broli, Bojack, King Cold, Cooler, Kaioshin, Kibit, Dabura, and Goku, well shit, now I offended the manga purists by using the Toei anime only characters, not a good streak so far. Anyway he recruits the Saiyans (*dodges thrown object* Saiyajins, sorry) to help in his quest of conquering planest but is afraid of the Saiyans becoming to powerful since they can power up exponentially, so he kills all of them except for 3, well 4, no 5, I mean 7, yeah 7. So Freezer is happy since he only has to keep 3 (4?) Saiyans in line, unfortunately for him, one of them would defeat him and two of them would far surpass him in power, but I digress. Anyways, Freezer then finds out about the Dragon Balls and there ability to grant wishes and so, inexplicably, he goes to Namek to make his wish to become immortal or be taller or something. He basically kills all the natives in a series of long drawn out fights, but the Nameks fight hard (read: crappily) and delay the tyrant long enough for the Earthlings from Earth (Krillin, Gohan, and *shudder* Bulma) to collect the balls and make a wish. Rather than actually kill the Earthlings and Vegeta (who goes to Namek despite vowing revenge on Goku) himself he sends progressively tougher opponents to fight them. All are beaten and eventually the purple pixie of doom must himself fight via a series of progressively more powerful transformations (sensing a pattern? nah.) until eventually Goku beats him up and gives him a bunch of speeches about preventing forest fires and such and finally "kills" him in the longest most drawn out "5 minutes" in the history of the universe. Freezer's remains are found by his impotent father, King Kold, and Freezer and his "papa" go to Earth to kill Goku. They get there and everybody wets there pants since Goku is not there but from out of nowhere, Vegeta's illegitimate son from the future arrives and beats the raging piss out of Freezer and King Kold who then go to the bizarre Chinese version of hell populated by demonic gym teachers and stuff happens. The end.

Tenshinhan
Ten is an enigma of sorts. Despite contibuting little to the later major battles in DBZ (not necessarily his fault since the Saiyains become ridiculously powerful simply because they can transform into nazi supermen, I mean super Saiyans), he has a tremendous fan base, and is considered the most powerful human in the DBZ universe. Perhaps the reason he so loved is because he has a badass attitude backed up by a bushido like code of conduct, plus he has an uber cool attack called the Shin Kikiho which multiplies his power a few thousand times and even has an effect on form 2 Cell. He has an ambiguous relationship with the gnome/clown/russian doll Chautzu, but is probably nothing homosexual since Lunch is his girlfriend and why have sex with a midget clown when you can have sex with Lunch?! But I digress. Ten first began as a semi-bad guy who joins up with Goku after beating him in the 22nd Bodukai. Unfortunately for Ten, from this point on he loses to just about everyone he fights except Burter and Jisu, but that was a filler episode so the purists would kill me if I included it. So let's break it down:
Beats Yamucha
Beats Muten Roshi
Beats Goku
Loses to Piano
Beats Tao Pei Pei
Loses to Goku
Beats a Siabaman
Loses to Nappa
Loses to those f'ed up twins in Movie 3
Loses to Taurus in Movie 3
Beats Burter and Jeice (so sue me)
Loses to Android 17
Loses to 2nd form Cell
Loses to Trunks (little bastard turned SSJ after Ten beat the crap out of him)
Loses to a Cell Jr.
Loses to Buu
Oh well, but he gets Lunch in the sack (heh, crappy pun sorry) and how many of the people on that list can say that?

Artificial Human 16
Well, seeing as how I got the pic from the official DBZ website, I think I'll let them do his bio. Ahem:
Evil science genius Dr. Gero creates his most destructive inventions ever. Androids #16, #17, #18, #19, #20 are out to destroy our heroes on the Earth. Putting Earth at peril, these androids have amazing strength and enjoy devastation for its sake. Android 16 is an experimental model. A big muscled red-haired man, Android 16 is out to destroy whatever he sees. The strong, silent type, he doesn't say much, he is simply super strong. After meeting his demise at the hands of Cell, Bulma collects the pieces of Android 16 reassembling and programming him to fight on the good side.

Wow, that bio couldn't be more wrong. Rather than point out the mistakes I'll just talk about Artificial Human 16. He is one of favorite characters simply because a) he is tough, b) he has one of the best personalities of all the fighters, and c) his hand is detachable and can be shot at things/people. His only goal is to kill Goku and be at peace with nature (contrary to what FUNimation tells you). It is probably his peaceful influence on #17 and #18 that keep them from becoming the cold blooded killers they become in the alternate time line where #16 isn't activated. His natural enemy is Cell, an abomination of nature, and I really think the Cell saga would have ended just fine if #16 had beaten imperfect Cell when they fought the first time. Plus we wouldn't have to see all those pointless SSJ upgrades the Saiyans recieved. And of course, #16 has detachable rocket powered hands. How cool is that?

Jisu
He's red, has an Australian accent (in the dub at least), and is the second most powerful member of the mighty Ginyu Force. How cool is that?! We only see him fight three times and he loses all three. However his fight with Vegeta was short but sweet and he does get cool points for body checking (quite painfully, in fact) Vegeta into a bulkhead on Freezer's ship. He loses to Goku then runs away, loses and dies at Vegeta's hand, and finally gets beaten again by Goku in Hell. Oh well, another wasted character. G'day mate.

More coming soon!!!!!!!!!!!1 Stay tooned!