TITLE: The Top Ten Mulder List (1/1) AUTHOR: Avalon EMAIL: avalon@fuse.net RATING: mild PG for an illicit reference SPOILERS: Yeah, well, there are a bunch...one brief one for something later in Season Eight, plus references to lots of stuff throughout the show. There really are just too many to list. CATEGORY: VMSRH KEYWORDS: Mulder Scully romance, baby referenced (but NOT babyfic), general silliness and sap DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Chris'. Please treat them nicely. I try to. FEEDBACK: Always welcomed and answered, thanks. ARCHIVES: Gossamer, Spooky's, Ephemeral, anywhere really, but if you aren't one of those, please let me know so I can come visit! SUMMARY: Ah, Spring! The time of the year when the sap starts moving in the trees...and apparently, it starts moving in Avalon's head, too. The title says it all. WEBSITE: www.creativewriting.cc/avalon/ AUTHOR'S NOTES: At the end, as usual. The Top Ten Mulder List "Mulder?" "Yeah." "What are you doing?" "Making a list." "A list? Of what?" "Don't worry about it, Scully. It's just something silly I was working on to pass the time." "Why? Are you bored?" "Well, sitting around your apartment while you're at work all day does leave a lot to be desired. You can only watch so many infomercials, and I've already rummaged through your underwear drawer a million times." "Mulder! Maybe you should think about finding another job." "Maybe. I'm still brooding about that. After all I've done in the past, this is the reason I get kicked out of the F.B.I.? I still can't believe it--" "Let's not start all that again, Mulder. Everything happens for a reason." "Thank you, Dr. Laura." "Don't insult me. Now let me see this list." "No. I told you, it's just something silly--Scully! Give that back to me!" "Hey, you read stuff of mine that I didn't want you to read. I think I'm entitled." "Scully, this is hardly the same thing. You were dying. I was scared I was going to lose you--" "Oh, lighten up, partner. It's just a list. Now, let's see. 'Top Ten Genetic Traits I Hope I Don't Pass On To My Son.' Hmmm...this should be interesting." "Scully--" "Shut up, Mulder. I'm reading. Number Ten. Do I sound like Letterman? I'm doing my best impression." "The similarity is uncanny. C'mon, Scully--" "Number Ten: A predilection for pornography. OK, I have to say I agree with that one." "This is really embarrassing..." "Number Nine: A taste for sunflower seeds. Oh, I don't know, Mulder. Those are pretty healthy. At least you aren't addicted to something like Twinkies." "Or coffee." "Touché, partner. Number Eight: A penchant for dropping guns at the wrong time. Well, I should point out that you have a penchant for dropping your gun, period." "Ouch, Scully. That hurts." "Number Seven: With the exception of a certain petite redhead, an undeniable attraction to leggy brunettes. I have no comment." "Good." "Although this petite redhead could take any of those leggy brunettes anytime, anywhere." "Well, that's a given, isn't it?" "Number Six: A knack for pissing off those in authority. That one might come in handy sometime, Mulder." "Not unless he wants to spend his life working in a basement." "There are worse things. Like working in a basement with Agent Spender." "Now, Scully. Don't speak ill of the dead." "Number Five: The habit of thrusting his fingers in anything sticky, wet, or gooey. Well, although you have put them in some gross things, you've also put them in some nice damp places, too." "Scully! I'm shocked! This is our child we are talking about!" "Alright. Ahem. Number Four: A penchant for needing hospitalization. Yes, I do think he should avoid that one if at all possible." "Glad we're in agreement." "Number Three: A peculiar desire to have a cellular phone attached to his ear. But if it's coordinated correctly, Mulder, it can be a truly attractive fashion accessory." "Hopefully our son won't be overly concerned with fashion accessories." "Number Two: A fear of fire, a dislike of bugs, and a recurring nightmare involving autoerotic asphyxiation." "I still can't shake what Clyde Bruckman told me." "Well, it had better be after I have kicked it, partner, 'cause it ain't gonna happen with me." "But you don't die, remember?" "And the Number One Genetic Trait Mulder Hopes He Doesn't Pass on to His Son. Can I have a drum roll please?" "No." "Fine. Be that way. Brrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmm....: An obsession with finding the truth. You know, Mulder, I think that quality is one I would like him to have." "Really?" "Well, it is rather heroic, don't you think? To be constantly moving to help the world, instead of just sitting back and letting it take care of itself. I think that is an admirable trait." "Thanks, Scully. I--" "That's the end of your list. I think I'd like to make one of my own now." "You have things to add?" "No. I want to make a different list. Let's call this one 'Top Ten Genetic Traits I Hope Our Son Receives From Mulder.'" "Okaaayy..." "Number Ten would have to be Number One on your list: The need to find the truth." "You make it sound a lot better. Need is a much nicer word than obsession." "Number Nine: An unquestionable knack for making wild, but impressive, leaps of logic that always end up in solutions." "Gotta follow your heart, Scully. It never leads you wrong. Especially when driving." "Number Eight: The ability to look scrumptious in red Speedos, tight jeans, and baseball jerseys." "Scrumptious? Scully, I'm flattered. And I had no idea you had even seen my red Speedo!" "Number Seven: A patented puppy-dog look that melts the heart of everyone present, especially women." "It does come in handy." "Number Six: An uncanny ability to maintain a poker face." "That's desirable?" "It's kind of alluring in a strange way. Besides, you kept me guessing for seven years, didn't you?" "Not on purpose." "Be that as it may...Number Five: A superb knowledge of B-movies that can keep any guy happy on a rainy day." "I seem to recall those same B-movies keeping a certain woman entertained, too." "Only because there was popcorn involved. Number Four: The gift for sounding incredibly intelligent when discussing things that have absolutely no basis in logical or scientific thought." "I was Debate Captain in high school. What can I say?" "Mulder?" "Hmm?" "That isn't something to brag about." "Oh." "Number Three: A fierce, protective loyalty to siblings." "Once again, Scully, you have made an obsession sound noble." "It was noble, Mulder. It was exasperating at times, yes, but it was noble." "Me, exasperating? What makes you say that?" "Moving on. Number Two: A fierce, protective loyalty to a partner." "Only the ones that look hot in body armor and can kick ass in a virtual reality game." "Well, I couldn't let that Matreiya have her way with you, could I?" "I still like the name Jade Blue Afterglow." "And the Number One Genetic Trait I Hope Our Son Receives From Mulder--" "Brrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmm....." "Now I get a drum roll? OK, Number One: The ability to see the possibility in all things." "Ah, Scully, don't go all serious on me." "I am serious, Mulder. You have this extraordinary vision, this wonderful capacity for seeing far beyond the horizon of what everyone else can see. It's something that I have rarely been able to do, thinking outside the box, seeing potentials where there seems to be absolutely nothing. You do it with situations, and you do it with people that you meet. It is amazing, and I love you for it." "Ah, Scully. I love you, too." "I know. Hey, listen, though. Do these lists change at all if this baby is a girl instead of a boy?" "I don't think so. But Scully?" "Yeah?" "If the baby is a girl, can we name her Jade?" ***End*** Author's Notes: What can I say about this sappy little thing? I woke up this morning with Mulder in my head, telling me, "These are the things I hope I don't pass on to my child." It seemed serious at the time, but my Muse is obviously in a very silly mood. I have been wanting to try writing a story entirely in dialogue, and this one seemed to fit the bill quite nicely. I really enjoyed putting this one together...I hope you enjoyed it, too. Feedback is always appreciated: avalon@fuse.net. Hope to see you again soon!