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to
the
MyTetherball
HomePage!
Vol
7.1stof
June,
2002
| Canadian Man loses Skin Rash after Playing Tetherball |
Send
comments and questions to the Tethermaster to
mytetherball@fuse.net This is a family friendly site No animals were intentionally harmed or made fun of in the development of this site |
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Thanks for coming back for more of nothing but Tetherball, all Tetherball, all the time 24 7. The response that we've received to this site has been swell. We continue to have the following mission hanging on a sign in our restroom: It is to bring the joy that only Tetherball can bring to those who have never known that joy.. Nothing more - nothing less. |
The MyTetherball staff will work around the clock to make sure that the very latest in Tetherball technique, fashion, and ettiquette is made available to you, our many loyal followers. We are more than happy to take all of the wonderful email that has been sent from tetherball players and fans around the world. Much of it asks for advice on court construction, some on playing technique, some still to settle rule disputes, and some also still on what to wear during a game (white is now officially 'out' - tunisua is now 'in'). Thanks to all who wrote to mytetherball@fuse.net to let us know that you really don't require a toll free hot line at this time, and that it isn't too much of an inconvenience to email your questions. Even though it gets in the way of our workouts, we love hearing from you! We always print the following disclaimer at the end of this paragraph, so read it now as we are barely literate: At times you may see words with strange spelling, or that look foreign. Do not be alarmed, as we don't impose American English, but prefer to wallow in the richness of our many tongues.
StoryoftheMonth: Canadian Man loses Skin Rash after Playing Tetherball
It's hard to believe. Patrick had had the same anoying skin rish his entire 29 years. It went from his right underarm around his back and ended just next to his belly button. "I could never attract women at the beach when I had me shirt off due to that annoying rash," said Patrick in a recent interview. "I would get to know women on the internet very easily due to my ability to connect with women over the internet.. Soon I would suggest that we meet at the beach, somewhere that they wouldn't feel threatened...eh, where there would be lot's of people. I would have my shirt on and they would be all cool and happy to be with me. But ultimately they would want to get into the water, and would expect me to take me shirt off. That's when the trouble would begin."
Patrick went on to explain that once his shirt was off, the whole attitude would change. "Once my shirt was off, my date would be like,"where did you get that rash on your back and front?", and they would get all inquisitive on me. One woman even suggested that I should work in a circus with that kind of rash, or make money volunteering for studies on skin rash medicines." After one particularly hard day at the beach Patrick had had enough. "I decided that I might as well have old worn out leather on my skin I looked so bad. Thinking of the word leather I was so distracted that I keyed in tether to my search engine and somehow found MyTetherball. What a difference that one mistake has made to me life."
Patrick was moved by the many stories, poems, and songs within the site, and soon had ordered the MyTetherball Tetherball Court Blueprint. "I ordered it so I could have me own court and not have to wait at those nasty public courts where all kinds of people have been playing with that ball without proper maintenance procedures between play." He followed the simple, step by step instructions using already available household tools, and within 10 short months he had his own court, suitable for backyard play. "I started in May 2000 and worked every night and weekend on it. Just as sure as the schedule in that kit predicted it was ready right on time in February of the following year. "It's a bit cold that time of year up here in northern New Brunswick, so I had to wait a few months to actually use the court."
As the snow drifts slowly melted away in March and April, Patrick finally began hitting that ball, perfecting his stance, trying different shots, and continually reading MyTetherball for all the latest tetherball technique. "I immediately noticed something changing in me upper body. I don't know what it was, but something was changing in me upper body as sure as I'm Canadian. As me chiropractor later confirmed by an analysis of my play using an infra-red camera and a urine test, I was twisting me torso in ways that had never been done before, allowing more air to circulate between the fibers of me underwear. With that air circulation, me skin seemed to get the air it needed to heal. If it weren't for MyTetherball, I wouldn't ever be able to go to the beach again...and the women..."
At that point we had to end our interview with Patrick because he could no longer talk coherently, saying over and over "beach...women...beach....women". This is one more success story that MyTetherball is almost too proud to print!
Tetherball
Songs of the Month
| Tetherball
- to the tune of Born Free
Tetherball
Hit the ball
|
Hit
it hard
You have to stay on your guard Cause you know your opponent's spry And there's no place to hide With Tetherball
|
| There
Were Balls (to the tune of Till there was You)
There were
balls
There was
love
|
And there was tetherball And wonderful roses They tell me We played through the night time And sang - all day There were
balls
|
Interview
with the TetherMaster
Mytetherball
- Tethermaster, when
we last interviewed you, you were so fraught with emotion over the spectacle
of having been spotted riding your lawn tractor side saddle, and finally
having the TetherWomanstress stand by you in your fight against this untoward
accusation that you could only express yourself through improvisational
ballads. Are you eating solid foods yet - so to speak?
TetherMaster
- When one is besmirched,
as I was, publicly humilitated (sic), sorry I made that word up, but it
works, anyway, when you've hit rock bottom, you need that personal anchor
to help you get through it all...(at this point, the TetherMaster looked
off into space and began to sing) You and me against the world, There's
no one else but you and me against the world, When everybody else has gone
and walked away, You can count on me to stay.......
MT
- TetherMaster - TetherMaster! - if I could get you to look over here.
There's a good man. Do you feel vindicated, now that the nasty lawsuit
has been thrown out of court?
TM
- When one stands up to an unjust charge, one remains stained...
MT
- Are you referring to those bouts you had not making it to the toilet
in time?
TM
- I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT! I'm talking about the emotional stain
that doesn't go away. I've always properly mounted my tractor, but
the accusation, as unjust as it was, still rings in my jowels.
MT
- So I see. So I see. That being the case, can you continue
to represent the fastest growing circular court game on the planet, promoting
it around the world, meeting with dignitaries, kissing babies and their
mothers, passing judgement on technical matters raised to your level. Signing
the balls of the players making it to the finals. Won't all of this
get in your way?
TM
- My my, my Mytetherball. How you underestimate my raconteour.
As long as I have one shred of an ounce of vitamin b complex left in my
abs I'll continue to sign balls, kiss mothers, meet with babies, circle
the planet.....get me my medication!
BASATE
Brothers
and Sisters for the Advancement of Tetherball Everywhere is an international
organization with its world headquarters in Sinu, Nepal, the birthplace
of Tetherball. The BASATE is not only not looking for new members,
but is considering kicking some of its current members out to become even
more selective. Thanks very much for your suggestions for the location
of our next meeting. The consensus was overwhelmingly for one exciting
town: Hoptune, Nebraska USA. If there are any better ideas
to mytetherball@fuse.net.